My Vent!

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**I wrote this a while ago, but have been feeling some of the same emotions again lately. Even though we’ve grown a lot over the last few months, there are times when I feel like we’re not doing enough-I’m not doing enough. I get caught in the comparison trap. I think it’s okay to admit that every once in a while, I wish I had backups. We did find one co-op we love and will start in August. However, I’m still seeking other opportunities for him while I’m at work. I know many think, and many have suggested, that public school will solve my problem. I disagree. Here goes***

I constantly compare myself to other homeschooling families. I am envious of what others are able to do with their littles. I don’t envy their lives, just the accomplishments.

I wish I had a solid curriculum or units or self directed learning opportunities for him. I wish we could do all the field trips. I wish I could discern his interests so that we could have “learning moments”. If only I had the time to do…well, anything.

We started with virtual school because I work full time outside the home. It was not a good fit for him. He couldn’t grasp the information at the pace they (and I) expected. After coming home from working with children (I’m an elementary reading coach) I’d find myself at wits end trying to figure out why nothing was done all day. I’d try to tutor him – help him – to no avail. So we dropped the classes. Am I failing my son? Still we’re determined to homeschool.

He says to me finally that he just wants book work. He doesn’t like computer classes. He wants to play baseball. He wants to travel to Seattle. Why Seattle? I don’t know. He wants to learn Haitian Creole. He wants to play the drums. He likes video games. Marine Science is his thing, for now. He wants to try minecraft. Wait. Maybe. He wants me to do things with him.

So, where do I begin? All the homeschool opportunities happen when I’m at work. And if you know anything about teaching in public schools, I’m working on the weekends too. Plus, my weekends are filled with baseball and church.

I am jealous. Jealous of all those homeschool families who’re able to do so much with their littles. I see my fault and pray that God release this comparison thing I have going on and cast it into the deepest part of the sea. #myvent

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